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Theres this teacher at school thatapos;s realised iapos;m upset all the time, and asked me what was wrong, and i hadnapos;t spoke to anyone in such a long time that i ended up crying into his arms for like an hour.

he told me he knew i was getting thinner, and started asked me questions and i was so upset that i just told him. If it were anyone else i would have told them to fuck off, but because it was him, i canapos;t help but be nice to him. I think i fancy him a bit too. But now he has to tell the child protection people and itapos;s stupid.

ANy one got any suggestions???? xxxxpplease post back. X

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"Itapos;s time to study hard for your Aapos;s Jia Ming
Studying will be even greater fun after the Aapos;s Teeheehee." -sstaticstereo@lj

AHMYGAHT
Hello? Hello? Hello?

/

Today after my tuition, my sister went to sign up for her driving lessons AHHHHMYGAHT so fun�I�want to drive too�Heh heh quick pass pass pass and remember to fetch me to and fro and fro and to everywhere after you get your licence�AHHHHH. Gogogo you go

And after dropping her off at tuition we went to Centrepoint to get winter clothing. And while we were at Timberland we heard some loud shouting and everyone was looking to see where it was coming from�And I�peered out of the shop window and witnessed some man having a tussle with a security guard. Before two more security guards came along, but he continued resisting. Poor man, he probably just shoplifted or pickpocketed thinking it wasnapos;t such a big deal after all. But now thereapos;s going to be a scar on his record�Like how weapos;ve often heard about how rich kids have everything they want, but they still steal 40cent erasers to get the thrill out of shoplifting.

Holiday tomorrow AMG, time to sleep late again�(Insert yellow smiiley jumping man here) Youapos;ll know if you have a Sony Ericsson phone



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I drink to forget but keep on remebering. I hate how things come to my mind. I want to pretend none of this ever happened, but the only thing that makes that happen is bottle after bottle of whiskey. Iapos;m happy but I canapos;t help but feel totally strange on any given day. I hate October and the feelings it brings. I have a bottle in between my legs and I canapos;t think of much else. I used to love October, but now Iapos;m just reminded of everything Iapos;ve tired so hard to forget.

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Yesterday I�had my operation. On the knee. Luckily I got to sleep through the operation. Haha, I�came, got some pills, lay down. They took me in. Put me to sleep before I�even knew it, and before I knew it I was awake and the surgery was over. It went fine. Though, he couldnapos;t for sure find something to explain my pains. But he removed something. And hopefully the pains will go away. He also told me I had to loose weight. I�guess I�have no other choice. Iapos;ll start to try and eat healthier, and go for a ride on my bike and when the winter sets in�Iapos;ll just go out for a run. Or a long walk. Weapos;ll see. Iapos;ll try to loose weight as much as I can. But my will power is so-and-so (sighs).
Anyway. I�have some painkillers and excersises Iapos;m gonna take and do. And weapos;ll see how it goes. Right now I feel a slight pain in my knee and a dizzyness in my head. I am kinda dangerous by myself. Jumping around on my crutches, I�get a little dizzy. No good at all. Not good. Now I am starting to get dizzy. Iapos;m gonna go watch some TV before something happens (laughs).

Later.
Mika..

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As i walked back to the library tonight i realized that i was back to swedish fish diet dr. Pepper again. Just like the entirety of last year. Oops.

i am doing a terrible job of focusing on the historiographical essay i am supposed to be writing for my thesis right now. Instead i am preoccupied with (and slightly worried about) what i am going to wear to my cousinapos;s wedding in two weeks. I have nothing appropriate, and iapos;ve never been to a wedding before. Um?

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I�think itapos;s safe to say that today is One Of Those Days. I woke up in pain. My alarm clock didnapos;t go off�at all so I missed the chance to call Mum first thing on her birthday. Yesterday I missed the post so her card/present is still sitting on my desk. Then�I had the biggest scare of my entire life. Iapos;m still afraid of whatapos;s going to happen. Now I have an appointment at the health clinic, which means I canapos;t go to the Whitewolf campaign I promised Terry Iapos;d go to, that both he and Jamie really hoped Iapos;d be at. I had to go back and forth from my halls to the laundrett several times before I could get the washing/drying/money/keys/detergent routine right - itapos;s not far, but itapos;s annoying. And now Iapos;ve just poured nail varnish remover all over my favourite jeans...seconds before taking my clothes out of the wash. My legapos;s cold, Iapos;m uncomfortable, and scared, and I havenapos;t managed to get anything done today.

Hopefully I can still get into town, post the parcel and get my new phone before 4:00. But Iapos;m miserable and� in pain and afraid, and in that feel-very-far-away-from-home state of mind. Thankfully my flatmates seem to be assuming something is wrong and not pressing it. Iapos;d better try to get something done now.

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I swear I didnt eat a damn thing yesterday at all..not one bite and I somehow gained almost 2 lbs. I want to cry.. I�am not updating my CW yet until tomorrow.. I want to see if it was just something wierd going on.. Maybe because I am all stressed and have been sitting on my ass for a whole day..I work today though and I did like 50 crunches this morning .. I know thats nothing.. But it was a start.. I actually DID�something..

So.. I hope to d more and more excersize daily..�

I tried to join another ana group here and basically got insulted and humiliated by this one chic.. I thought it was pretty funny that a ana woulds bsh me for being what I am and tell me i need to be better for my kids.. She needs to shove off.. I cant stand when people pass their judgments or assume things about my parenting skills or assume im an uneducated idiot.. Im not.. And its so frustrating to be a genuinly nice person in a place full of such vehement bitches.. Grrr..
OH.. And.. I looked at her profile pic.. And.. Well.. Ill just politely say.. Im NOT�jealous of her.

But I�love al of you here so Ill post here and read both..� And.. I am trying for less than 500 cals on the days that I work in the morning... And� less than 100 cals on the days that I work late.. And I have to be consistant with the apitite pills they seem to help me with energy and metabolism. I have no problem NOT�eating when Im not on them but I dont lose as much weight.

sigh.. I feel like sucj fail today.. And i look in the mirror.. And I hate what I�see.. I have such a far way to go.. I can and will do it.. .

M

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